Partner in Crime
by amoredward
Summary: Post New Moon, preEclispe. Emmett decides to exact revenge on Edward for breaking his TV. Who's going to help him? Emmett POV.
1. Edward's Color

**This is for the August Twilight Challenge, choice #2. I liked the idea, and might expand on it if people want me to. Enjoy!**

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I ran downstairs, trying to find some way to salvage such a mind-rottingly boring day. 

Rosalie was working on her car—I didn't think that there was anything she _hadn't_ improved under that hood—so I decided that it was best to let her do that…for now.

Jasper, Carlisle and Esme were all out hunting. Alice was putting away the clothes she had bought that afternoon in Seattle with Bella, and Edward was with Bella at her house, doing what I could only imagine. They were supposed to be coming over soon.

I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. Looking at the small screen, I felt nostalgic. Memories of the night when Edward had broken our other TV—our TV that had been shipped in from Korea and was now in pieces in the trash—were still fresh in my mind.

Edward was so temperamental.

I couldn't see why he was being so difficult about Bella's change, anyway. It was bound to happen sometime—why prolong the anticipation? I knew he thought we were soulless monsters, but still…I didn't know why he was so stubborn on the issue.

But the stress he seemed to be under didn't make me forgive him for ripping in two the wide-screen, plasma TV that I had loved so much. I was still as mad about that as the night he'd broken it. He must have forgotten already how heinous of a crime he had committed by now.

Well, well, well. I would just have to remind our little lover boy, wouldn't I?

I grinned as multiple possibilities raced through my mind. I tossed the remote on the couch as I went to Alice's room.

"Hey, Alice," I called through the door. She opened the door with a smile and I entered.

"So, planning on a little revenge, huh?" she asked. I shouldn't be surprised that Alice knew what I was already plotting.

"Well, I was wondering if you would like to help me. I'm sure that you have some original ideas."

She laughed. "Well, I have seen only a few possibilities, but so far, the best one looks like your first idea."

"Good. That was the one I was leaning towards anyway. Now," I smiled conspiratorially, "would you like to help me in acting out my brilliant scheme?"

Her grin grew wider. "Of course. You know, we haven't been able to pull anything on Edward for a long time. I hope we're not rusty," she joked.

"Oh, I don't think that will ever happen."

She finished hanging up her clothes. I don't know how she fit any more articles in her already stuffed closet, but soon she was finished. Then she turned to me.

"How much time do we have?" I asked.

"Not long—we need to get started right now."

"Would you like to distract our lovely couple while I complete the job?"

"My specialty," she mused. "I can see that this will be wonderful. Just wait until you see the look on his face."

"Good. Let's get going."

We raced downstairs.

* * *

The car door slammed, and soon Edward and Bella were walking through the front door. Edward carried in both hands bags full of clothes that Alice had undoubtedly bought. Alice's voice chimed, calling to Bella to come upstairs to her room, and I smiled when I heard Bella concede and Edward follow them. 

This was all going perfectly, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The hardest thing to get around was Edward, though. He and his stupid mind-reading powers got in the way every time I wanted to do something.

But that was just at first. Now I had developed ways to get around that.

Just before I went into the garage, I firmly placed in my head the most explicit picture of Rosalie I could imagine—one I knew would keep him out of my thoughts for the few minutes I needed to get this done.

I could almost picture him cringing at that thought, and smiled wider. Excellent.

I dashed to the garage, grabbing the can of paint and a few brushes. At the last second, I added a few paint rollers to the pile in my arms. The shiny silver Volvo was parked right next to the garage door, which just made my job that much simpler.

I could hear Alice chattering away with Bella about putting outfits together and trying to convince her to wear something she had bought that day. She was just too good at her part of this. That thought brought a chuckle out of me.

Setting down the supplies, I went straight to work. The lid popped easily off the can, and in no time I had dipped the brush in and spread it evenly over the entire driver's side door.

Without pause, I made my way down the rest of the car, quickly brushing on the vibrant paint.

I finished with the hood, and I had finished my task. I took a step back to admire my work.

Pink was _so_ Edward's color.

* * *

After taking care to stow away the now empty paint can and still wet brushes, I casually strolled in through the front doors of our house. 

Alice, upon hearing my entry, nonchalantly dismissed Edward and Bella from her room. They walked at a very slow, human pace to Edward's room on the third floor. Only when I heard the music emanating from behind the closed door did I run to Alice's room.

"Do you want to see it?" I asked. A devilish grin was displayed across her face.

"Of course. You better have done a good job," she chided. "I haven't gotten any visions, so he is still oblivious." I followed her as she darted downstairs and outside.

She froze in front of my masterpiece, and stood silently.

"Like it?" I asked.

Then she burst out laughing, doubling over and supporting herself on her knees. "You should have…seen…face…" Her eyes were squeezed shut, and she gripped her sides. She was unable to finish the sentence, but soon she stopped long enough to get one line out. "He's coming downstairs with Bella right now. I think he saw it through my mind…" Then the laughter picked up again, echoing faintly through the clearing.

Bella and Edward's footsteps grew louder as they descended the stairs. I looked toward the door hesitantly, wondering if I should start running right now, but then decided that was the coward's way out.

Besides, I just couldn't miss out on seeing his face when he saw my work of art. I suddenly wished I had a camera, but didn't think twice about it when I heard the latch on the doorknob click.

He was looking at Bella as they exited, but then she stopped short, eyes locked on the Volvo. Edward frowned, and followed her gaze.

Talk about a Kodak moment.

His jaw dropped, and his eyes widened at the sight of his prized car's new paint job. I smiled, and could hear Alice's broken giggles ring in the air.

Then Edward's breathing picked up double time before he yelled.

"EMMETT!!" He turned his furious glare my way. I raised my hands in the manner of a suspect showing that he was unarmed and asked innocently, "What?"

A snarl ripped from his chest, and he lunged at me. I raced back to the forest, flying as fast as my legs would take me, before returning to the clearing with Alice and Bella just as quickly. He had caught up with me at that point, but I retreated behind Bella.

"Now, now, Edward. We don't want to fight in front of these lovely young ladies, do we?" I smiled when his eyes seemed to flare up in rage. Still, he paused.

"There, now. Good boy." I stepped up beside Bella and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I know _you_ think it looks good, don't you Bella?"

Her breathing was irregular, but then she burst out in a fit of hysteria. Alice soon joined her, and I couldn't help but laugh myself. Edward just stood there—and if looks could kill I would be in the seventh ring of hell right then and there.

Bella tried to regain control of herself. "I'm...sorry, Edward, but your…face…" She gasped for breath, and drew in a deep breath to calm herself. "I'm sorry." I could tell that—for some strange reason—she really was sorry, even though the smile was still securely plastered on her face.

Edward came over and pulled her away from me. "Bella, you have nothing to be sorry for. It's him," he said, jerking his head at me, "who is going to pay." He threw another fiery glare at me. Suddenly, though, his expression turned thoughtful.

"Nice," came Alice's voice from behind Bella.

Both she and Edward wore impish grins. Bella's brow furrowed, and she voiced my thoughts. "Okay, please stop having those conversations. It's annoying." I folded my arms across my chest and nodded.

"Hey lover boy, you might want to get that car to a body shop before school tomorrow. That is, unless you _want_ to look gay."

He caught me by surprise by chuckling. "I think that you are the one who will need to worry about looking foolish." What was he talking about? Was he already planning his revenge?

"Yes, I am." I huffed, frustrated once again with Edward's "gift". It didn't bother me most of the time, but his answering of my question like that sure could get on my nerves.

Then Rosalie walked out of the garage, an image of perfection in her form-fitting jeans and shirt. A thousand images fit only for me passed through my mind, and I laughed when Edward's face grimaced.

"Emmet, please!" Yeah, I would be sure to make him think his gift was so much of a gift anymore.

"What's going on?" Rosalie's angelic voice was filled with curiosity. "Why is Edward's car pink?"

"I decided that I would do Edward a favor in return for him breaking our TV just a couple weeks ago. I don't think he appreciated my efforts." I faked disappointment, and she laughed.

"Whatever. I'm going to take a shower." She placed a quick kiss on my lips, and I smiled as I watched her retreating figure.

The party further reduced in number when Edward pulled Bella into the garage, leaving with only a "We're going out", and then drove away in the Aston Martin. I shook my head.

"So…" Alice prompted me. "It worked out great, didn't it?"

I peered at her out of the corner of my eye. "Yeah. It did."

"Well, aren't you going to ask me what I saw?"

I shrugged. "I guess so. What is he planning?"

She laughed. "He is going to have some fun with you tomorrow. But I have also had a vision of one of your own plots. Want to know what it is?" I nodded. "It's actually quite brilliant. I wish I had thought of it. Well, I guess I actually did…" she mused to herself.

"Alice, just tell me!" I urged.

"I'll tell you inside. I want to look through the clothes I bought for Bella." Her lips grew into a smile, and she laughed. "You know, it will be quite easy to put into action, too."

"Oh, Alice. You know how I love a challenge. I don't want to do anything that takes no effort."

"You can work on a harder project later. This one will get an even better reaction out of him than that one did, though" She jerked her thumb behind her at the pink Volvo.

"Fine. But we're going to make the one _after_ that harder. Simplicity takes all the fun out of it—well, _almost_ all the fun. I guess as long as it gets a good reaction, it is worth the time."

"Oh, this might be the best idea we've ever had. You'll love it, I already know." Of course she did.

"Well, let's get inside so I can hear what my plan is."

"All right," she sighed, turning one last time to Edward's pink car, hands on her hips.

"It really did turn out beautifully, didn't it?" I asked.

"Yes, it did. You did fabulous work." She looked at it for another fraction of a second, and then started inside. "But let's get going. I don't want to waste any time."

"All right. You know, I think I forgot how nice it was to have a partner in crime. Feels good for things to be back to normal again."

"Tell me about it."

When we returned to her room, and I sat down on the floor by her closet. "Now, please tell me what's going on. I'm dying to know."

I was hooked by the first word out of her mouth.

"Condoms."

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**Like it? I hope so! Please review and let me know how it was!**


	2. Happy Birthday to You

**Okay, so here it is! I'm sorry that this took so long to update. It was hard to think of something that Edward could do to exact his revenge, but I think I'm happy with the end result. Enjoy!**

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"Is everyone finally ready?" Alice asked, not bothering to hide her annoyance. And for a minute, I actually wasn't sure whether it stemmed from her eagerness to go out with Bella for the first time in a couple months, or what was headed Edward's way. 

Either way, this outing would be a fun one. Alice and I had made sure of that.

After painting Edward's precious Volvo pink, I had been waiting for an act of vengeance from him. But nothing had come, and though it should have unsettled me, it didn't. Instead, I was reveling in my victory.

And he might think that my retaliation for his breaking my TV was over, but he was dead wrong.

"Yes, Alice, I believe everyone is ready." He turned to Bella. "Let's go get the car started."

They left through the front door at a very slow pace. It was only a matter of time, though, until Bella was one of us. I was convinced.

Alice sighed and crossed her arms over her torso as she waited for Rosalie to come downstairs. Her foot kept up a fast tempo, the taps echoing throughout the empty living room. After two minutes, Alice couldn't take it anymore.

"Come on, Rose! If you aren't down here in thirty seconds, then we're leaving without you!"

"Hey," I automatically responded, "we can wait just a few minutes for her to finish getting ready. You've waited for a few weeks, so I don't see why you're going crazy over a matter of minutes."

She exhaled in frustration. "Well, Emmett, the movie starts in an hour and a half. If we don't leave now, then we won't have time for Bella to eat dinner. Besides, Charlie has strict orders that she's home by ten. So you do the math."

I didn't have to, though, because Rosalie was crossing the room towards us as Alice finished her sentence.

"Is everyone ready yet?" she asked nonchalantly. I smiled as Alice all but stormed over to the door. I leaned over to give Rose a quick kiss on the lips before wrapping my arm securely around her waist—the fit undeniably perfect.

"Are you ready to have some fun?" I asked both of them. Alice smiled knowingly—obviously remembering the items we had stashed under the passenger seat earlier that day. Rosalie frowned, and Alice just smiled brighter.

"Just wait. Tonight is going to be entertaining, I can assure you."

With that, we made our way to the car—Edward already in the driver's seat, and Bella in the passenger seat. The three of us climbed into the backseat, and within a minute we were pulling out of the driveway.

I couldn't stop smiling, knowing that the fun was just a short hour away…

"So where do you want to eat, Bella?" Thanks to Edward's driving—which was worse than anyone else's in the family—we had a solid hour of time to burn.

"I don't care," came Bella's unassertive reply. How she could be so unsure about such a simple thing as what she wanted to eat, and be so stubborn on wanting to become a vampire, I had no idea. Neither did Edward, which I knew bugged him. That was the way it was, though.

"Well, we can go to that Mexican place on Grant if you want, or there's La Bella Italia, properly named if you ask me…" she mused. "Yeah, let's go there."

"No, I think I'd prefer Mexican right now actually," Bella said slowly.

"Mexican it is," Edward announced. He actually seemed too eager, but I only paused for a second. He had his coming to him tonight, and I was too anxious to see the look on his face.

Quickly, I stopped those thoughts so he wouldn't get suspicious. Alice assured me that his mind was elsewhere for now, but I still had to be careful.

Even though I hated his gift when I tried to do things like this, I could deny that I loved the challenge it posed. Without it, the entire process would be far too easy. Nothing entertained me more than a challenge.

We pulled into the restaurant parking lot, and Edward went to open Bella's door while the rest of us filed out of the back. I gently pushed the car door, but it still sounded like I slammed it. Rosalie looked into the reflective glass of the window, rearranging her golden curls. I smiled. My angel really was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on—in my human or vampire life.

Alice, Edward and Bella were already walking up the front steps to the entrance.

"You know, you don't need to do that to look good. You're already the most beautiful thing on this Earth. Now let's go catch up." She sighed, and we walked quickly, reaching them just as they passed through the front doors.

A dark-haired man was positioned at the host stand looked asleep when we first walked in. Only at the sight of Alice and Rosalie did he perk up, standing straighter. Reflexively, I hardened my face, eyes narrowing slightly at him.

I was surprised, though, to see that the people who apparently ran this particular establishment were actually of Latin origin—something rare this far north.

"How many people will we have today?" he asked, attention focused primarily on Rosalie.

"Five," Edward answered. I could hear the frustration in his voice. What thoughts he was being subjected to, I had no idea.

"Right this way," he offered.

"And non-smoking, please," Edward requested.

"Oh, there aren't any smoking sections in our restaurant."

"Good."

We got a table near the center of the main dining room, me and Edward pulling out chairs for the women, and the host left after giving us our menus. Only Bella actually picked hers up, scanning quickly through it before deciding on tortilla soup.

_How boring_, I thought.

"Please try to refrain from comments about Bella's diet," came Edward's voice, low and quick. "It's much better for her than grizzlies."

I smiled.

_Well_, I thought to him, _not for long._

He sent an icy glare at me, but I just laughed it off.

My family and I only ordered water, which remained untouched for the rest of the night. Bella got her soup, but burned her tongue on it with the first sip.

I couldn't help laughing at her, so happy to be back in Forks again—with the whole family, no less. A part of me would miss her clumsiness when she was turned, but I couldn't help thinking about all the fun we could have.

Once Bella was finished with her meal, Edward mysteriously excused himself from the table. It surprised me, seeing him remove himself from Bella's presence wasn't something I had witnessed him do since our return. But he kissed the back of her hand before quickly heading to the host stand.

The look in Bella's eyes saddened me. It was obvious what my brother's absence had done to her. I would have said "I told you so" to him thousands of times had I not seen the horrid guilt in his eyes. No matter how much I loved messing with my little brother, that would have been too much—even from me.

Alice cheerfully filled the silence, talking with Bella about how good the movie was supposed to be. Nothing could dampen Alice's happiness on this outing. She had been waiting for a chance to get out of Forks with Bella since we came back, but Charlie's grounding had gotten in the way. I could only imagine the manipulation she had to do to make this happen.

I found Rosalie's hand under the table and gave it a squeeze. She smiled, and I couldn't believe—even now that I had known her so long—how gorgeous she was. A true image of perfection. How lucky was I. I didn't know what made me deserve this measure of good fortune, but I would be the last person to second-guess it.

Something that Edward did not know how to do.

As soon as I thought that, he came strolling back into the room, his expression mischievous. Alice suddenly broke out in a short burst of laughter, and I narrowed my eyes at him. What had he done?

I decided not to concentrate on it, trying to keep my mind off my own trick at the same time. It was hardly a challenge, and I decided to give Edward a break and not use my usual method. Instead of Rosalie, I concentrated on what the movie would be about. I didn't know, so I guessed what could possibly happen in a film titled _Hidalgo_.

What was Hidalgo? I think Alice said it was a horse, but who would name their horse Hidalgo? Name it something better, like Kodak, or General. And what was it about a movie about a horse that had so many people interested? I just prayed it would end up being another chick flick. I might die.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud procession of workers wearing painfully bright colors. The main dining room was unnaturally crowded, and so I looked around for people in fancy dress. Then it seemed that the whole staff was there, bright smiles plastered on each of their faces.

Before I realized what was happening, they came to our table. I frowned, as did Rosalie and Bella. Edward and Alice, however, could barely contain their laughter.

Then someone set down in front of me a giant chocolate cake covered in disgusting brown frosting. Alice then lost control and broke out in a real fit of hysteria. Edward's shoulders were shaking, but he calmed himself with a deep breath.

Soon, everyone in the room joined in the chorus of "Happy Birthday". Edward joined in, his voice the only one saying "Emmett" at the appropriate time. Small candles—22 of them—were placed randomly all over the mass in front of me, all lit.

I looked at Edward, putting together the pieces in my head. "You…"

"Aren't you going to make a wish and blow out your candles, dearest brother?" he asked, a devilish grin spreading across his face.

"What the he—"

"I'd hurry, before the wax gets all over your cake."

I took in a deep breath to calm myself, and blew out through my mouth, extinguishing all the flames.

"Are you satisfied?"

"Oh, not nearly enough. You still have to eat it. Wouldn't want to let down the cooks who have been working all day to make this for you."

I stifled a groan. There was no way I was doing this.

I turned to the person who looked like he was the manager, but he cut me off before I could speak.

"Eat the cake! See how it tastes! I helped make this myself!" He seemed far too excited for a stranger's birthday. He even picked my fork up for me and put it in my hand for me. "Go on, try!"

If looks could kill, Edward would be long gone by now. Begrudgingly, I dug my fork into the appalling gooey mass.

It took all I had to not gag the first bite back up. And I still had fifty more to go.

Edward was _so_ paying for this.

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**So was it good? I already have started the next chapter, so be happy for that! Reviews are always appreciated! And I know that Hidalgo is an old movie. But it's the first one that popped into my head, so oh well!**

**I want to also thank BroodyBrathan23 for the help that she gave me on the first chapter. I was remiss last time to forget her, but I rememebered this time! Thanks also to all my reviewers! You guys (and girls) rock!**

**AE**


	3. Trojan War

**Here's the next chapter. Muse's Uno helped me with some writer's block. Listen if you haven't! But for now, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, nor any brand names mentioned. They are all property of their respectful owners.**

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I was going to kill Edward. First my TV, and now this. What I had done didn't cross the line like this did. Not even what I had planned for him tonight was this bad. 

After what seemed like a lifetime of shoveling spoonful after spoonful of disgusting brown cake into my mouth, I was going to throw up. Literally. Only I had to wait until we left the restaurant because the all-too-enthusiastic staff wouldn't leave me alone. They followed us almost all the way to our car.

Edward took his sweet time getting the car started and pulling out of the parking lot. The thoughts that I was directing at him were vile—almost as vile as having to eat that much cake.

As soon as we were on the street, safely away, I made Edward stop at a gas station.

_Stop __now__ or I won't just _think_ those thoughts to you,_ I threatened.

He smiled at me through the rear-view mirror.

_Damn it, Edward, I mean it._I then shared with him some thoughts that made him grimace. "Fine," was his reluctant reply.

He pulled up to the pump, and I shot out of the back, unable to wait to get the loads of chocolate out of my system. It didn't settle quite as well as grizzly.

The bathroom in the gas station was filthy, and I saw bugs crawling up the walls into tiny cracks. Closing the door and locking it, I bent over the toilet.

It took almost five minutes to get everything out. I flushed it all down, and splashed some water on my face.

When I exited the confines of parasite-heaven, the cashier was looking at me with confusion plastered all over his face. I didn't need Jasper's gift to tell what his emotions were.

I ignored him, and brushed past the only other person in the store, who was busy debating which bag of potato chips to buy. Oh, what a dilemma.

When I got back to the car, Edward already had the keys in the ignition. It was Jasper's luck he wasn't with us, seeing as my emotions would have definitely overwhelmed him.

Alice was giggling almost uncontrollably on the other side of Rosalie, Bella's brow furrowed as she looked at me, Rosalie slid her hand down my knee, and Edward was chuckling quietly in his seat.

I would get the last laugh tonight, though. It was already planned. He wouldn't be chuckling for long, I would be sure of it.

We got to the movie theater in just enough time to still buy tickets. I couldn't imagine why the managers found it necessary to halt tickets sales five minutes before the showing. It just didn't make sense.

With tickets in hand, Edward took Bella to the concession counter while Alice, Rosalie and I made our way to the dark hallway to the right.

When I was sure that Edward was out of hearing range, I told Rosalie to conjure up some intimate moments of the two of us. I needed my mind free for a moment.

"Did you grab it?" I asked, turning to face Alice. She smiled evilly, and I knew the answer.

"When do you think the best time to give it to them is?" I couldn't decide whether it would have a better affect now or later.

"I would say…." She paused, tapping her chin. "After. I'm not going to call any visions, though. It would totally ruin it."

I nodded, considering her opinion. I had to admit that I was leaning towards before, unable to deny how it would ruin the entire movie for Edward.

But if it was after…there were multiple possibilities there, too. I decided to take Alice's advice.

"Okay, we'll go with your idea. But if you're wrong…" I warned.

"Oh, don't worry." She dismissed my concern with the wave of her hand. "When have I been wrong?"

I knew she meant it in jest, but I couldn't help remembering visions of cliff-diving and its repercussions. If I had thought Bella and Edward were inseparable before, it was infinitely worse now.

"Very funny," I responded.

I saw Edward and Bella walking toward us, Edward carrying a large bag of popcorn and a small paper box of candy. Bella looked fed up, carrying the large drink.

"Edward, why did you get Bella so much food? She did just eat," Alice questioned, raising an eyebrow at the sight of Edward holding so much food. "She'll explode if you keep stuffing her!"

Bella blushed slightly. "Yeah, that's what I was saying, but there was no reasoning with him."

Edward sighed. "Well, I've already bought it. Are you asking me to waste this perfectly good food?"

"Perfectly _disgusting_ you mean," I corrected.

"All a matter of perception. I think that you might have had a bad experience with human food recently, am I right?" The glint in his eye was undeniably evil.

"It'll come right back to you, just wait."

"I'm sure it will."

His smugness made me want to get him right there and then, but I restrained myself; _Patience is a virtue_ was the only thing running through my head.

Edward raised an eyebrow in my direction, but I just turned away, pulling Rose along by my side by hand. The other three in our company followed immediately.

We sat down in the middle of the dark room, walking to the middle of the aisle to get in a centered view. Edward sat down next to me, then Bella, and finally Alice. Perfect positioning.

I wrapped my arm around Rosalie at the same time Edward wrapped his around Bella, mirroring my motions. Edward was just asking for some teasing.

About ten minutes into the movie, I leaned over closer to Rosalie, nuzzling my face in her neck. I felt her cheek pull up in a smile, and leaned over more, filling Edward's virgin mind with beautifully impure thoughts.

He punched me with one quick motion, and scowled at me when I looked over. I responded with a smile, and returned to my former position.

This was how the movie lasted. It might have been one of the best movies I had seen in quite a while—no matter that I didn't even know what happened.

The ending credits began to flash across the screen; I stopped my snogging and settled for keeping my arm around Rosalie's shoulders. Bella stretched her legs, and a yawn erupted from her mouth. I almost laughed, but stifled it. Her human tendencies were so entertaining—it wasn't like anything I had been around.

Edward stood up and held out his hand for Bella to take. Alice was already in the aisle waiting for us, so Rosalie and I followed Alice's lead and made our way quickly to the other aisle. We met the other three just outside the theatre entrance, and Edward's arm was securely around Bella's waist, keeping her stable.

"So…" Alice began.

Time to initiate plan two.

"How did you like the movie Bella?" I asked. She smiled weakly.

"It was pretty good. There was just a little too much gore for my taste."

"It's not like you haven't seen worse," I teased. Edward growled at this response, but Bella quieted him.

"Don't do that, Edward."

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye before nodding.

"What are your other plans for tonight?" Alice prodded. I could almost see the eagerness radiating off her.

"Nothing. I just need to get home before Charlie starts worrying. What time is it?"

"It's time to get you in bed," Edward responded.

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect segue. A chuckle broke out of my chest, I couldn't help it. Edward's eyes narrowed—he knew now that something was definitely up.

"Speaking of which," I cued Alice. She unzipped her purse and pulled out a rectangular box, handing it to Bella.

"Just don't stay up too late." Alice's warning was slightly marred by her high voice. Bella's face turned impossibly red, her heartbeat accelerating as she stumbled over words. Rosalie choked on her laughter when she read the large, bold print on the box:

Trojan.

But nothing was more priceless than Edward's face. I thought he was having a stroke, but knew that it was something far more entertaining. His eyes bulged out, and he stopped walking in the middle of the hallway.

One word escaped his mouth in a hiss.

"Emmett."

I grinned, Alice's expression almost matching mine. I didn't know why Edward wasn't mad at her, too, but I was all too willing to take on the full brunt of his anger.

I was slightly confused when he didn't say anything else for almost a minute. Bella's heartbeat had slowed down considerably when he moved again.

This time, he grabbed the box out of Bella's hands and shoved it into my chest. The sides folded easily under his strength, and from the now open sides small silver wrapped squares tumbled to the floor.

People walking by immediately slowed to watch the scene unfold further, but it didn't. Edward left after that without a word, taking Bella by the hand out into the humid summer air.

"How are we getting home?" I asked. Edward wasn't going to wait for us, I knew that much.

"Oh, don't worry. Jasper's going to be here in two minutes. It makes me sad that you underestimate me so," she mocked disappointment.

"I apologize. I should remember that I'm working with one brilliantly evil mind here, shouldn't I?"

Alice and I exchanged a conspiring glance before turning to Rosalie, who wore an amused yet annoyed mask.

"Emmett, you know that there's almost nothing I love more than seeing Edward embarrassed like that. But did you really have to make such a scene out of it?"

"Rose," I urged. "Do you really think it would have been that nice if it were just us at home? No, I wanted other people to see it too. You saw their faces, right?"

She smiled at this. "Well, yeah I did. Still…"

"I promise that I'll keep it subtle next time." _And only next time_, I thought.

"_I_ think it was totally worth it," Alice contributed with a grin. "But you may have just started the Trojan War." She giggled to herself at the reference, and I laughed.

I bent down to pick up the shiny foil wrappers scattered across the floor.

"If he wants a war, he's got a war."

And I would make sure I won.

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**So please review and tell me how it was. Constructive criticism is very good!**

**I don't have an idea at this second for any more, but I will think. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Game on?

**blink blink Is it true? An...**

**An actual UPDATE?!**

**Yes. I'm back, though maybe not better than ever. I want to apologize to anyone who is still reading this for my prolonged absence. Hopefully this will make up for it? I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things, so forgive any horrible writing that may come within the next month or so. But the main thing is I'm Sorry! gives hugs all around I've missed writing here, so hopefully anyone who is actually still going to be reading this story will be pleased! Enjoy!**

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Finally, after months of waiting without my favorite thing to watch on TV, the day was here.

Superbowl Sunday.

Sure, I didn't have an abundant spread of snacks laid out in front of the couch. I chuckled at the image of _my_ snacks sitting in the living room. Not exactly practical.

I was still just as excited as anyone, though. Well, anyone except Edward…and Alice, and Carlisle…and Esme and Rosalie. But they weren't being any fun anyway. At least Jasper was betting with me on who would win. Too bad he was going for the Giants. It was so obvious that the Patriots would win, I laughed

at him when he suggested his choice.

I did have to wonder if he had Alice's help in the decision, but he denied it—with Edward backing him up. Which almost made me feel better, if it weren't for the fact that I wasn't exactly in Edward's "good graces" for the moment.

Three weeks later, he was still upset about the movie/condom incident. Not that it bothered me at all. I still looked back on it and laughed.

And he still hadn't retaliated. I wondered if he had already run out of ideas. There was so little that got under my skin, I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.

Not that I cared right now. I was just ready to win my bet with Jasper.

I sat down heavily on the couch, leaning back into the cushions. Feet propped up on the inappropriately named "coffee" table, remote in hand, I settled myself in for the game. After getting myself comfortable, I turned on the TV.

Click.

I tried again.

Click. Click.

Great, the remote wasn't working. Not that it was over-exerting to get up and turn on the tv, it was still annoying.

Click.

Click.

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.

I froze.

Edward.



I heard him chuckling in his room upstairs, so I yelled, his name becoming a curse. He appeared at the top of the stairs in a fraction of a second, leaning casually against the banister.

"Something wrong, brother?"

I glared at him. "What the hell did you do to the TV?"

"What do you mean? Is it not working?"

"Seriously, smart ass. This isn't funny."

His smirk made me want to rip his face apart.

"Fine," I began after he didn't respond. "It's interesting that you would think I'm so easily deterred."

I grabbed the keys to one of our less conspicuous cars and ran to the garage. Edward was right behind me, and stopped right behind me when I froze for the second time—this time looking up at the sky.

Clear.

Sunny.

My skin threw light under the sun's rays.

"You might want to rethink going out. I don't think Rosalie would be very pleased with having to move just because you blew our cover in name of a stupid football game."

Then he was gone, running as fast as he could in the direction of Bella's house.

Damn him! If I could catch him, I would have been running after him immediately.

I clenched my jaw and fists. He was going to have _hell_ to pay for this. I would be sure of it.

"Emmett," Alice chirped, suddenly appearing at my side.

"What is it Alice? I'm not really in the mood right now."

"Oh yes you are, trust me. Bella's going to help you out this time."

I paused, considering.

"Really…"

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**So how was it? Horrible, maybe...okay? Please please please let me know! I will be eternally grateful to you!**

**(And I might be re-writing this chapter in just a little bit to add some meat the bones. Sorry it was so short, but I wanted to get something posted)**

**Disclaimer: Yada yada. You know the bit.**


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